For Such A Time As This

Maximizing everyday moments to glorify God

Shades of gray?

on January 23, 2015

I didn’t think it was possible. A biopsy is supposed to tell you definitively if you have cancer or not, right? There’s no gray area. It’s black or white. I thought.

Several weeks ago, I found something suspicious. Listening to that inner voice, I went to the doctor, who suggested follow-up tests. Those tests were done and I was told they immediately needed to do a biopsy. Kind of unnerving news based on the urgency. So, we did the procedure.

And then began the wait. Five days before a call. I had prayed and processed and prepared for either answer. It is or it isn’t. Okay, God I’m good either way. I thought.

When the doctor’s office called, I thought I was ready. But, when she read off some long-named “something,” it shook me a little. She said “you don’t have cancer, but…”

Honestly! She could have stopped before she said “but.”

What followed were words like concerned, multiple things going on, could harbor growth of abnormal cells. I need surgery and further tests to determine what it is and if it is indeed, cancerous or not. It was a flurry of trying to understand what the issue was and what I needed to do next. And, keep my composure.

After the call, I tried to sneak into the bathroom at work to gather my thoughts, but I ran into a co-worker whom I had earlier briefed about what had been going on with me. She could tell I wasn’t okay, so she asked. And darn it, I fell apart. Nerves, fear, all of it, took over my preparation and professed trust with whatever the situation entailed.

Sweetly, she hugged me and then she firmly took my hands, looked me straight in the eye and told me that I needed to hold on to that trust in God. “You’re a believer! You need your faith in God more than you need anything right now. Hang on to that. You will be okay.”

It was the smack of truth that I needed. She was right.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! (Isaiah 26:3 NLT)

I know this!  I believe this!

If it’s God’s plan that it is cancer, I will glorify Him in that. If it is His plan that it isn’t, I will glorify Him in that. I recently heard in a teaching that everything in life is either God-arranged or God-allowed. Nothing that happens in our lives is a surprise to Him. It is all filtered through His lens. So I can trust in all situations, even this one.

He already knows the outcome, so I can hold on to Him. The real issue, where my salvation lies, and that is already settled. I choose to focus on that and seek His peace in all things.

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13 responses to “Shades of gray?

  1. Lord,
    Thank you for the peace that passes all understanding that’s only for those whose hearts are set on You. Please give Your precious Patti laser-like focus on Your face as she waits on You.
    Of course, I pray for a clean bill of health, but if illness is part of the plan You have for Patti, I know You will use it to demonstrate Your faithfulness. Great is Your faithfulness, Lord!
    Thank you for the privilege of knowing this beautiful sister-in-Christ whose smiling face never ceases to encourage me, even though I only see it through my computer screen. Love on her extra sweet and tender, Lord.
    In the powerful name of Jesus I pray, AMEN!

  2. Angie Combs says:

    Oh girl I know how you feel! I went for my mammogram and then received a letter in the mail requesting another one because of an area of concern.

    I made that appointment the morning that I left for my cruise. All week my thoughts would go back and forth about the outcome. I also had the faith that if this was something He wanted me to walk through, he would be with me.

    The Monday after I returned, I went to my appointment first thing. Another mammogram was done and I waited for it to be looked at. I was expecting the technician to come back and tell me that everything was fine and I could leave. I wasn’t prepared when another technician came for me and took me into another room for an ultra sound. It took all the strength in me to not break down.

    I specifically wore a tee shirt that I bought on the cruise from Tim Timmons, “Cast My Cares.” I laid on the table while the ultra sound was being done, reminding myself to cast all my fears and anxiety on Him. He cares for me and will be with me through everything.

    The ultra sound was clear but my mind still continued to play the “what ifs.”

    I will be praying for you. Lean into Him during this time and have someone that you can share with. Someone that you can be truthful about how you are feeling. It’s scary when we don’t know the outcome and things are not in our hands. But we have a God that knows and he will be your strength!

    Love you girl!

    • pattihazlett says:

      Thank you Angie! I didn’t realize you were in a similar situation. It’s those unexpected twists that tend to throw me off, but you’re right. Leaning into Him is the only way! Love you!

  3. Lisa Berg says:

    Thank you for sharing Patti and thank you for showing us all how to fully rely on God. I am praying right alongside you. I love you.

  4. Jeannie Hastings says:

    Patti, how I love reading ‘For Such A Time As This’ ~ each one being so positive & uplifting. How I loved reading this one, how I love you! Jesus Calling this morning spoke of Jesus’ Peace, the treasure of treasures which we receive by trusting him in the midst of life’s storms. Spiritual blessings come wrapped in trials. Rejoice in all that Christ allows & sets before you. He has overcome the world. He’s got this Patti, he has your journey! He has made you strong in him, it is ok to cry. It does not make our trust n faith in him any lesser, it brings us closer to Our Heavenly Father. I am lifting you up to Jesus today praying for the peace that he purchased for you with his blood, surround you keeping you calm n comforted. Thank you for sharing so that we might be praying!

    Turn your eyes upon Jesus; look full in his wonderful face, and the things on earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory & grace. Seek him Patti! Hugs to you!

  5. Deb says:

    I wish I would have been there that day to pray with you in that little storage area. You are in my prayers today. I’m praying in Jesus’ name for healing and clarification. Thank you Jesus for your sweet daughter Patti. May she feel your presence and strength now and in the days ahead. And, Lord, please let her know that she is fully in your grace and will because of your Son Jesus. Thank you Lord for your complete love for us.

    Love you my friend and praying for you and your family.

  6. I already knew the outcome when I read this 🙂 But I also knew the outcome before you told me…at least the part about His extreme love for you, and the fact that you were solidly in His hands no matter what. But this? This rocks!

  7. “this ” meaning the outcome 🙂 Of course, haha

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